Some Tips for NECC

NECC Set-Up is UnderwayI slept last night, in the room that I grew up in, two blocks from the train tracks.  The 5:30 freight woke me up.  When I was young, it was the 5:00 rooster, one block away.

Last night, my parents and I pulled up old skits from The Smothers Brothers and Laugh-In, and even visited some of Bill Cosby’s early recorded monologues — “Ding!” — all thanks to YouTube.  In a few hours I’ll head out for my last leg to NECC.  I noticed on Hitchhikr that the first on-sight photos from NECC are now appearing, thanks to Tim Wilson (see right).  Check out his NECC PodCave.

I thought it would be a good opportunity to share some tips for foreigners who are flying in from far away places.  It’s a different world, down here, where we talk slow, think slow, eat slow and consider it a virtue.  So, to get the most out of your conference experience, follow these very simple tips.

  • If you want to employ a euphemism, find a way to include a tic and a hound dog — or lots of tics and a hound dog.
  • If your last name is Sherman, find a way to hide it on your name tag with conference swag.  If that doesn’t work, learn to say, “..but my people are the Birmingham Shermans,” and have a white handkerchief ready.  If your first name is Sherman, affect a foreign accent and start with Nepal.
  • Order the grits but don’t eat them.  Order Mint Juleps and drink them all.  Bein’ Atlanta, the bar tender may not actually know how to make a Mint Julep.  It’s:

    2 cups granulated sugar
    2 cups water (branch water is ideal)
    Fresh Mint
    Crushed Ice
    Kentucky Bourbon (2 ounces per serving)

  • If you see an older gentleman wearing a seersucker suit, remove your hat.  If you don’t have a hat, then lower your self to one knee.  If you don’t know what a seersucker suit is, then have that handkerchief ready.
  • It’s OK not to like CNN, but don’t order a Pepsi.
  • Be ready to cite your lineage to before the Civil War (or War of Northern Aggression).  If you are from the North, find a way to work a Lee in there — or a Percy or a Beauregard.
  • Finally, and most importantly.  Don’t even ask for unsweatened tea.  In Georgia, you want your spoon to stand up in the glass.

Have a fantastic conference and see you there. …and have that white handkerchief out anyway to dab the moisture on your forhead.  We don’t sweet here.  We sheen!

Author: David Warlick

David Warlick has been an educator for the past 40+ years. He continues to do some writing, but is mostly seeking his next intersect between play, passion and purpose, dabbling in photography, drone videography and music production.