I slept last night, in the room that I grew up in, two blocks from the train tracks. The 5:30 freight woke me up. When I was young, it was the 5:00 rooster, one block away.
Last night, my parents and I pulled up old skits from The Smothers Brothers and Laugh-In, and even visited some of Bill Cosby’s early recorded monologues — “Ding!” — all thanks to YouTube. In a few hours I’ll head out for my last leg to NECC. I noticed on Hitchhikr that the first on-sight photos from NECC are now appearing, thanks to Tim Wilson (see right). Check out his NECC PodCave.
I thought it would be a good opportunity to share some tips for foreigners who are flying in from far away places. It’s a different world, down here, where we talk slow, think slow, eat slow and consider it a virtue. So, to get the most out of your conference experience, follow these very simple tips.
- If you want to employ a euphemism, find a way to include a tic and a hound dog — or lots of tics and a hound dog.
- If your last name is Sherman, find a way to hide it on your name tag with conference swag. If that doesn’t work, learn to say, “..but my people are the Birmingham Shermans,” and have a white handkerchief ready. If your first name is Sherman, affect a foreign accent and start with Nepal.
- Order the grits but don’t eat them. Order Mint Juleps and drink them all. Bein’ Atlanta, the bar tender may not actually know how to make a Mint Julep. It’s:
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups water (branch water is ideal)
Fresh Mint
Crushed Ice
Kentucky Bourbon (2 ounces per serving) - If you see an older gentleman wearing a seersucker suit, remove your hat. If you don’t have a hat, then lower your self to one knee. If you don’t know what a seersucker suit is, then have that handkerchief ready.
- It’s OK not to like CNN, but don’t order a Pepsi.
- Be ready to cite your lineage to before the Civil War (or War of Northern Aggression). If you are from the North, find a way to work a Lee in there — or a Percy or a Beauregard.
- Finally, and most importantly. Don’t even ask for unsweatened tea. In Georgia, you want your spoon to stand up in the glass.
Have a fantastic conference and see you there. …and have that white handkerchief out anyway to dab the moisture on your forhead. We don’t sweet here. We sheen!
And do you have to say “I surley do!” and dang and shoot and y’all? Or have I got the wrong demographic (bearing in mind that my knowledge of American geography is only slightly better than my knowledge of nuclear physics)?
Enjoy the conference!
Since I was orignially born in Kentucky I’ll try to do this right:
Well, bless your heart for keepin us in mind while yourn’ there. (for those of us who can’t attend) I can’t wait for the virtual learnin’ I’m a’gonna do. I reckin youre gonna have yourselve a ball.
Seriously, if you’ve never been to Atlanta…try to eat at Bones you will have the best meal of your life! Have fun!
🙂 Melanie
So what’s a girl from the North with three Union 2nd great grandpa’s supposed to do? Sure, wish I had a guy from the “other side” for balance.
David’s tips are always great. Here’s another: follow him around at NECC.
What’s “seersucker”? How will I know it when I see it? Maybe I should just stay in my room tonight – I did find my white Hanky though! 🙂
Brian
The vending machine in my hotel has a Pepsi machine in it. Is it possible I’ve landed in the wrong city? 🙂
I am a bit behind reading my blogs. (My feeder is complaining!) But I laughed out loud when I got to the sweetened tea part. I was born in TN and raised a while in NC, but have landed in South Dakota for the last 30 years (thanks to the Air Force and my parents.) I was telling Mom and Dad today how wonderful it was to be back down South where I could get REAL tea! I managed to find a place to sell me a gallon to keep in my room! Thanks for the chuckle!