I slept last night, in the room that I grew up in, two blocks from the train tracks. The 5:30 freight woke me up. When I was young, it was the 5:00 rooster, one block away.
Last night, my parents and I pulled up old skits from The Smothers Brothers and Laugh-In, and even visited some of Bill Cosby’s early recorded monologues — “Ding!” — all thanks to YouTube. In a few hours I’ll head out for my last leg to NECC. I noticed on Hitchhikr that the first on-sight photos from NECC are now appearing, thanks to Tim Wilson (see right). Check out his NECC PodCave.
I thought it would be a good opportunity to share some tips for foreigners who are flying in from far away places. It’s a different world, down here, where we talk slow, think slow, eat slow and consider it a virtue. So, to get the most out of your conference experience, follow these very simple tips.
- If you want to employ a euphemism, find a way to include a tic and a hound dog — or lots of tics and a hound dog.
- If your last name is Sherman, find a way to hide it on your name tag with conference swag. If that doesn’t work, learn to say, “..but my people are the Birmingham Shermans,” and have a white handkerchief ready. If your first name is Sherman, affect a foreign accent and start with Nepal.
- Order the grits but don’t eat them. Order Mint Juleps and drink them all. Bein’ Atlanta, the bar tender may not actually know how to make a Mint Julep. It’s:
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups water (branch water is ideal)
Fresh Mint
Crushed Ice
Kentucky Bourbon (2 ounces per serving) - If you see an older gentleman wearing a seersucker suit, remove your hat. If you don’t have a hat, then lower your self to one knee. If you don’t know what a seersucker suit is, then have that handkerchief ready.
- It’s OK not to like CNN, but don’t order a Pepsi.
- Be ready to cite your lineage to before the Civil War (or War of Northern Aggression). If you are from the North, find a way to work a Lee in there — or a Percy or a Beauregard.
- Finally, and most importantly. Don’t even ask for unsweatened tea. In Georgia, you want your spoon to stand up in the glass.
Have a fantastic conference and see you there. …and have that white handkerchief out anyway to dab the moisture on your forhead. We don’t sweet here. We sheen!
